Monthly Archives: January 2014

[30 Jan 14 at 11:29 pm, and I still don’t know what to say — for this one, and for that speech.]

I remember promising each other that we’d have two anniversaries each year — one on your birthday, and one on mine.  So we’d be forced to meet up, one way or another.  Or maybe I just dreamt this up, but no matter.  I’m seeing you in a few hours anyway.

[Insert flashback over here.]

I didn’t take much photos [during graduation], but I still had one with you.  Probably because I knew the two of us weren’t really saying goodbye.  The rest, I could let go without a picture to hold on to.

With the people that we meet, we always try to look for constants — it’s not a collect-and-choose thing, because you can’t really keep anyone.  All you can do is look, and wait for those people who want, and choose, to stay.

They’re not even always the people you choose to let in — eventually, even most of those people leave.

They’re the ones who stick with you, even if you don’t open up.  Even when they don’t understand you.  Even if you don’t listen.  Even when you push them to their limits, or push them away to the point of no return — they’ll always find a way back.

My dear, you are a constant.  The distance between our universities though has, actually, successfully made us closer — but that doesn’t mean that I don’t miss you, which I do.  A lot.

And, my goodness — we are both old, but you are definitely still older than me… by a few months.  But since you are officially legal now, and it’s because it’s Chinese New Year, I wish you a wonderful kick-ass start into a responsible adulthood, without sacrificing your wonderful spite and mirth, and a clear mind, set on what you’re passionate about.

Follow your dreams, my dear.  Fulfill them because where you want to be is where you’re meant to be, sooner or later.  Pray to Him.  Listen to your parents.  Find more constants, and find more people who are worth being constant for, because God knows how lucky I am that you chose to stay with me.

I love you, Nelissa Chua.  To the moon and back. To infinity and beyond.  To Taft from Diliman.

Happy 18th, and Happy Chinese New Year.


I dreamt that someone asked me if I was over it since, somehow, I seemed like I was.

I said no, and everyone heard it. Even you heard it–but hey, I wasn’t done talking.

I said no, I wasn’t over it. 

But it’s not like anything, or anyone, is trying to stop me anyway. So to be frank, I’m getting there.

Do not be ashamed that you did not end it with the pride of a lioness. It’s okay that he left you, and you clung on to him. You may have broken some fingernails from trying desperately to hold on, but don’t worry. Instead, make sure to leave claw marks on his back, chest, thighs, and arms, anything you can grab on to until you finally let him go – so he will never ever ever be able to forget you. So what if you didn’t get to hear the satisfying powerful click-clacking of your high heels against the pavement had you left him first? There is nothing wrong with dragging yourself away from him, the dead weight of your body tempting you to stop. Pathetic? Maybe. But what matters is, you kept on moving, you kept on crawling, until you were far enough to stand tall again.

Grabbed from Van Gogh is Bipolar’s Facebook status.