This way up

Step one is you bunching your
hair in one hand, pulling it
up and down the front of your
face as hard as you can.

The blades go snipping.  Repeat
until you remind yourself of
a misshapen clump of fur on
a newborn Russian Sphynx’s head.

Step two is sleeping completely
face-down on your pillow
because I bet you’re too lazy
to keep it on your face overnight.

If you survive after step two,
then I suggest you get the easy
way out and just mix a few
magic pills into some water.

gulp gulp gulp


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