When a thousand things rush into your brain right after seeing something vague

I keep myself busy.

I’ve wondered why, and I’ve thought about it. This is what I came up with.

I think I’m going to die. 

Well, I always think I’m going to die. Like… everyday, actually. I have this weird thought in my head that today is going to be my last day, that, whether I’ll be conscious or not, I will die within the 24 hours- and my only excuse for not dying is because I still have something to do. So I keep myself busy.

I also find this the reason for my big desire to procrastinate- procrastinating work would be procrastinating my death, which comes after work. And since I also am such a lazy cow, I procrastinate by doing the work that’s due the latest- which would mean probably around next month or the next week, and then the homework due two days later shall be done early in the morning in school. Which, in all honesty, makes me think again- because the work would be done twice as fast with how I ‘procrastinate.’

But then again, I’m always bored. I can NOT do just one thing at a time. I practically beg for free time, but that free time would be spent on things other than the Internet or TV or eating. It would be spent on reading something interesting- or two… or, like my case right now, around 5 books at a time. Or maybe write a song. Or draw. Or paint. Or make a cover. Or make a gift for someone. Or just lie down and imagine the weirdest things ever. Or write a book. Or a poem. Or a microstory. Or write fan fic. Or even just to blog something like this. Or learn how to ride a bike. Or play laser tag. Or give my cat a bath. Or cook/bake/drink water. Or make a hat. Or play dress up. Or sleep- sleep isn’t boring. Not for me. My dreams go wild sometimes, and they scare me, honestly.

So maybe my conclusion is this:

I think I’m going to die… of boredom. Soon.


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