Ever get the weird feeling that you’re going to die really, really, really soon?
(Last time I ever felt like this was the summer before Senior year.)
Signing this entry off with another great silencing, (virtually and physically).
I need to find something else to hold on to again. And the process, well, it’s a personal death.
You get the drift. This is another goodbye, for a while.
Have you no idea that you’re in deep?
Spilt and spoiled.
It’s campaign season, and once again I am on both sides of the playing field — only this time, I’m no longer part of the machinery.
I’m finally running. (Hooray!)
What most people don’t know is that I wanted to run for council back in Senior Year.
What held me back, you ask? Well, loyalty… for the most part. I must admit, there was a time when I seriously regretted not giving myself the chance to run.
Everything aside, I get that maybe it really was written in the stars that I was going to be President of my club for that year — I mean, come on. Everyone saw that coming. And it’s not like I didn’t love my club — if I didn’t, I honestly wouldn’t have had second thoughts about leaving it after ten long years.
But that’s just it — I didn’t run for council because I didn’t want to leave my club. And for that term, the council members weren’t required to leave their respective clubs anymore, unlike the previous years. Which means that if I did allow myself to run, I still wouldn’t have been leaving my club.
This didn’t stop me from being involved with the council, though. I was dubbed their consultant when it came to creatives and promotional matters — which, at that time, was more than enough for me. This allowed me to work with both my club, and the student council. It became a way to make ends meet — a compromise that didn’t feel like a compromise.
Confession number two: for most of the time, I was happier working with the council than with my club.
Maybe because I’ve established good working relationships with the council members from the start — with the club, the members come and go. It wasn’t like a proper organization, so everyone just expected the officers to carry out what they needed to do, and for the most part, some just show up during meetings and not give a f*ck, which was one of the things that truly frustrated me the most — another reason why I felt I needed to stay with the club, as much as it was a reason for wanting to leave.
But hey, I’m definitely happier with where I am, with who I’m surrounded with, and with what I’m doing now.
Downside is the easy burnout and anemia, but that’s being dealt with properly now.
Aaaaaand this is me finally getting to clean up some spilt milk.